I don't know about the rest of you, but my courage (and self-confidence) has been slumbering for more than a decade. Awakening it? Not an easy task. I poked at it and prodded it. I tried to will it awake. I fell into a pattern of becoming angry at it for not responding to my commands. Shocking, huh? Yeah, well, I've noticed that energy does not respond well to hostility, it just angers back in some way or avoids you completely, and denies you that which you desire most. So, I began a softer approach. I cooed and coaxed it. I gave it space to be. I accepted its existence and honored it. I pulled from experiences as a girl when I felt bursting with courage and tried to embody that energy. And alas, slowly, gently, and as quiet as a whisper, my courage began to awaken. I can feel the shift inside me. And although my bravery is stiff and tight from lack of use and full of giant yawns, it is there. I found it.
Now, stronger, more confident thoughts weave into the churnings of my mind as the bravery wells up to meet the fear that I feel as I plunge into creating a life that I adore. This is scary stuff, and without that bravery, that inner courage and faith in your capability? Well, it is next to impossible. So, I called upon my courage, I prayed to my brave goddess within and asked her to help me DO this.
And she answered.
I meditated on finding the courage in my heart. I mean really trying to focus and FEEL it. And, it was only a whisper, but she, the brave one, was there! Inside my heart, slumbering. She had been there all the while.
An inkling, a whisper, the faintest of glimmers was all I needed to step forward on this path of creating a life that I LOVE. Thoughts of "Will I fail?" and "What if it doesn't work?" and all other naysaying notions, I simply acknowledge and let float right on by. I am doing this. I am taking control of my life and weaving all the knowledge and experiences I've been gathering into a tapestry of joy and fulfillment.
On this journey, I am forgiving myself all my past failures, stumbles, wavering faith, and downright self-cruelty. I am letting go of the past, and what it has come to mean to me. I am scraped and scarred by my past and the interpretations I've come to know as my history, and it no longer serves me. I must let it go to find the brave goddess that resides within.
I feel refreshed and am still afraid; yet now there is a steadiness that supports me. I call her the brave goddess who abides in my heart. My mantra each morning: I am brave, I am beauty, I am light. LOVE.